At least three times a week, I get a broken-hearted, frantic email from a young woman whose boyfriend has said the dreaded “I don’t know what I want” words. She has turned to the internet for answers and relief, and finds my post When He Says He Doesn’t Know What He Wants on Loveawake dating site blog. After reading the post and the many comments, they then write to me and say:
But really – will he really come back? Can I please contact him so that he knows I still love him and am open to being together?
And this post is for all of those women–and for all of you who will come to me in the coming months and years. I didn’t believe it either. I was so worried and distraught, but they always come back.
Now, I don’t mean that every single boyfriend will always comes back. I’m talking about the confused one who strung you along for weeks or months with his indecision and ambivalence until finally, you broke it off to preserve yourself lest your ship sink with his.
My friend Kate put it best in this post where she points out that the guy simply coming back is not as big of a deal as you think. Why? Because the confused ones always come back. If the two of you have been broken up for less than six months, he has not had an earth-shattering realization; he just misses you. And men hate the feeling of missing you and not being able to have you. They love missing you and knowing that in a few hours, days, or weeks, you’ll be there for them to kiss and hold. But missing you and knowing that some other guy might be doing all the things with you and to you that he used to do? No way, Jose. This unbearable feeling makes him knock on your door, text you, call you, show up with flowers, etc. to let you know that in a way, you are still his, and he wants you to know it.
wow.. that felt like i was writing it. and i attribute my craziness mostly to bitter experiences from the past.. that even though i know i have a good thing going now, i grip so hard, it’s terrible. well as a dear guy friend told me a few days ago, you should know when to reel in and when to let go, else the line will snap and the fish will get away… if all you do is keep reeling in. Let’s make that ‘steady girl’ take control
Unless he explicitly states that he wants to be in a committed, monogamous relationship with you (headed toward marriage–if that’s what you want), he is not saying that he wants to be your boyfriend again. He may want to hang out with you, have sex with you, go to family functions with you, hold you while you cry, and do every other thing a boyfriend does, but it still does not mean that he wants to be your real 100% not-kidding-really-I’m-her-boyfriend boyfriend.
So know this, my readers: HE WILL COME BACK.
I was just having a situation where I knew my insecurities were making me turn into “crazy girl” I just started living with bf and all of a sudden i got so insecure about things in our relationship and truly it was just the “crazy girl” stealing the show upstairs in my mind.thank u for giving me some helpful tips because i do believe my insecurities have played apart in other relationship and by all means i am intending to keep him forever.
You just be prepared to stand your ground for the type of relationship and commitment that you want and don’t just melt because he showed back up.
Otherwise, you may end up emailing me again in a few months with a twice-broken heart. And that won’t be the worst thing in the word. After all, we’ve all been there, and we all have each other, don’t we?